


Confession

by sublime42



Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Depression, Sadness, Talk of Suicide, friends - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-08-06 10:38:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16386320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sublime42/pseuds/sublime42
Summary: Matt finally tells his friends that he tried to kill himself.





	Confession

The secret of what he’d done while living at the church haunted Matt a great deal. He’d never admitted it aloud, but it ate at him, and he thought of it almost daily.

Suicide was a mortal sin, after all, and he had been so ready to do it, to let someone else kill him, and even though it hadn’t happened, he couldn’t rid his mind of it.

This particular day was worse than the others. The weather was similar to how it had been that night, the air even smelled the same, and the attempt was all that he could think of.

It was hard to concentrate at work, and even harder to talk to Foggy and Karen about anything at all. So he’d closed himself in his office, willing himself to focus on the documents on his desk.

But he found that by noon, he hadn’t gotten much done. He could tell that Foggy and Karen were worried about it him, but they had yet to address it with him directly. He noticed them hovering around his office door and talking in low voices about him though. They knew he could hear them. Maybe they hoped he would, so they wouldn’t have to be the ones to bring up his behavior.

00

At one o’clock, it finally happened.

Foggy entered his office, mentioning something about closing up early and getting some lunch. It was cold, and there wasn’t much to do anyway, and they might as well go home to their warm apartments and relax.

That was the last thing Matt wanted, really. To go home by himself would just invite more thoughts of despair. At least at the office, he could sense Foggy and Karen, could hear them, could feel as if he wasn’t truly alone.

Matt took a deep breath, about to tell Foggy that sure, it was fine, they could leave, but something else came out.

“Maybe you guys could come to my place?”

Foggy was quiet for a moment, probably considering the request. Finally he spoke.

“Sure, sure. I doubt Karen has any plans - right, Karen?” He called out. Matt heard Karen approach the office as Foggy spoke.

“Hm?”

“Matt asked if we wanted to go over his place for a while.” 

Matt was sure that Foggy was giving Karen a look, one that said ‘we really need to go, something’s off’.

“Oh! Oh, of course, that sounds great,” Karen answered. “I’ll um, just wave down a taxi then? You guys get ready to go. It’s freezing out there.”

00

Twenty minutes later the three were huddled inside Matt’s apartment, Karen and Matt sitting on the couch as Foggy tried to get the heater working.

“Success!” he called out, and Matt heard the steam come up through the pipes as the radiator began to work.

Foggy sat in a chair across from them as they waited for the room to warm.

Now that everyone was there, in his home, in his safe space, Matt felt the desire to talk. It was odd - usually he kept his pain to himself, but for some reason, he wanted to tell them, to get it out. Maybe if he did, it wouldn’t hurt so much.

“I have something to tell you,” he started, wrapping his arms around himself almost defensively. It made him feel better. “You might be angry,” he added.

“Honestly, Matt, there’s not much you can say that will surprise us at this point,” Foggy replied. 

Matt sighed.

“I did something… bad. And I haven’t told anyone.”

“Is this… Does it have to do with Daredevil?” Karen asked, her voice low. Matt could hear her heart rate pick up as she questioned him.

“Sort of? I… When I was staying at the church, one night I went out. I heard screaming, someone getting beaten. I intervened… but they overpowered me. One of them suggested that they finish the job…” he trailed off, suddenly feeling like he wanted to cry.

He felt Karen wrap an arm around him, and the warmth and kindness of it nearly broke him. Did he really deserve it?

“Please don’t hate me,” he begged.

“I don’t think we ever could,” Karen answered, and Matt could tell that she wasn’t lying. 

Matt took a deep breath, willing himself to continue.

“They weren’t gonna do it. They were gonna walk away. The other guy convinced the first one to let it go. But I...I stopped them. And I gave them a pipe, and told them to do it.”

Matt heard Karen gasp, and Foggy’s breathing get faster.

“You tried to kill yourself?” Foggy finally asked. 

“...Yes.”

Matt was waiting for it, waiting for them to turn on him, to yell at him, to tell him that they had to leave now because they couldn’t deal with this type of bulshit. He braced himself for it.

But there was only silence.

Then Foggy got up, and sat on Matt’s other side, and wrapped his arms around Matt too.

“I’m glad it didn’t work,” he said. “I’m glad you’re still here.”

Then Karen held him a little tighter.

“I am too.”

Right then, Matt felt it: his soul felt a little lighter. His conscious less burdened. His secret was out there, but it was safe with his friends, and he knew that if he ever faced such feelings again, he had people to turn to who would help. It made a world of difference.


End file.
